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Purpose Statement:
This column will examine God's
Word and His plans and purposes for ladies as women, wives, homemakers and mothers.

Email Celeste

God's Message to Women

When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.

Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man's life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do. Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart.

Man’s heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body. You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side.

You are My perfect creation. You are My beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and My eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart. Your eyes - don't change them. Your lips - how lovely when they part in prayer; your nose, so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to touch. I've caressed your face in your deepest sleep;

I've held your heart close to Mine. Of all that lives and breathes, you are the most like Me. Adam walked with Me in the cool of the day and yet he was lonely. He could not see Me or touch Me. He could only feel Me.

So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with Me, I fashioned in you: My holiness, My strength, My purity, My love, My protection and support. You are special because you are the extension of Me.

Man represents My Image - woman, My emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God. So men - treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt Me. What you do to her, you do to Me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart, the heart of your Father, and the heart of her Father.

Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self. ~ Author Unknown ~

In Genesis 2:7, the GREAT GOD OF HEAVEN, blessed be HE, formed man from the dust of the earth. The Hebrew word for formed is "yasar" - meaning "to mold like a potter or squeeze into shape." However, an exclusively different word is used when it comes to Eve's construction in Genesis 2:22. When Creator God made Eve (Chavvah), the Hebrew word "banah" is used and means "skillfully formed." Eve was not squeezed out, but skillfully formed and carefully molded. From the beginning, GOD'S treatment of Eve was super special. . . with care and gentleness. Genesis 3:20 tells us that Adam called his wife "Chavvah" - because she was the mother of all living.

Christian Mothers, you have a very special birthright. You are divine citizens with a divine heritage and birthright. Esau treated his birthright lightly and finally sold it for a bowl of stew. Mothers can sell their spiritual birthrights also by feeling that their only place is in a kitchen cooking stew. You can be good housewives, but you also have a divine heritage to minister in your own situation.

Fathers, sons and daughters, let us remember our mothers as even our LORD MESSIAH YESHUA did even in HIS dying breath upon the cross. No greater earthly love besides our CREATOR Lord GOD can we experience than that of our mothers love. The love of husbands and wives may waver; brothers and sisters may become deep-rooted enemies, but a mothers love is so strong and unyielding that it usually endures all circumstances, good fortune and misfortune, prosperity and poverty, honor and disgrace. Happy Mothers Day!!!

Sha’alu (Pray) for the shalom (Peace) of Jerusalem and all of Israel!

As we bid farewell to Shabbas, our prayer is that GOD, WHO separates the holy from the secular, forgive our sins, guide our life and open our mouth to declare HIS praises continually. May the ALL-PRESENT ONE fill our upcoming week with HIS DIVINE PRESENCE that HE may be glorified; and may some of the sweetness of Sabbath be present throughout your week days.

A Mother's best days are spent showing the LIVING, LOVING, CREATOR GOD to their children.

The Woman
Author Unknown

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime.. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?"

And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?" asked the angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride." The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."

And she is! Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

However, if there is one flow in woman, it is that they forget their worth.

The Influence and Impact of Women

I'd like to share a few insights found in a book by Eugenia Price many years ago. The book is Woman to Woman and a great book. If you find it, pick up a copy.

In speaking of the influence and impact of a woman she made these statements.

God made women in such a way that they wield a singular kind of mysterious influence over the lives their lives touch.

I have Scriptural backing for this statement that God created into women a particular power to influence. In Gen. 3 almost six complete verses are given over to the first attack by the tempter on the first woman. The wily one went straight to Eve and the entire basic problem of human nature; the right to one's self, sprang into being through a woman. He didn't approach Adam. He
approached Eve.

Most of us are not aware of the power of this innate ability to mark the lives of those whose lives we touch.

Sincerity is not enough. We need the very sensitivity of God Himself in order to live lives which mark with beauty the other lives we influence.

When she was interviewing people at the Pacific Garden Mission in Chicago while preparing the stories of their salvation for radio dramas, 212 out of 250 people had been directly twisted or blessed by the influence of a woman. Sadly, in most instances the woman's influence was destructive. We may continue this next month.

May the Lord help each of us to be aware of the influence we wield and may we use it in a positive and beneficial way. May our speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that we may know how to answer every man. Col. 4:6.

In order to be influential women do not need to be domineering characters. Sometimes a very weak, timid woman can leave the deepest scars on lives. With feigned illness or whining she can exert power and influence. "Extreme timidity is not humility. It is often neurotic self-consciousness and self-love.

This is why it is so very important that we be controlled by the Spirit of God so that our influence and impact is positive and godly. Henry Galus in The Impact of a Woman made a striking statement. "The weaker sex is the stronger sex through the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex." You may have to read that over a couple of times to really get the significance of it.

Down through the ages it has fallen to the women to preserve culture. Marriage was the only career available to her at one time. In the 1890's this was written: "Housekeeping is a science...those little-considered sisters of mine, the housekeepers of America, upon their discretion and ability and thrift depend not only men's creature comforts, but to a great extent, their success in life..."

We have often heard that a woman can either make or break a man. How true that is. We have seen that often in the ministry. It is so important that we stand with our husbands, not just behind them. We're familiar with the adage that the husband is the head of the family, but the wife is the neck that turns the head. So, ladies, beware! In which direction are you turning his head?

Obeying Your Husbands

Completing our series on the things God instructs Christian women to teach to younger women we come to the final two words: good and obedient to their own husbands.

In the Scriptures good is a derivative of God or godly. "There is none good but God". So to be good is to be like God or godly. Exhibiting Christ-like qualities and character would be good.

"Obedient to their own husbands". Do notice it says their own husbands, not someone else's. We have already discussed loving our husbands but being obedient to them is completely different. It is willingly putting oneself under the authority of another. There are several reasons why God commanded a wife to obey her husband.

1. God's perfect creation required order. Even before the sin of Adam and Eve, God had set up a chain of command. It required the husband to be in authority over the woman. God's order of authority in the universe is set up like this: God, Christ, man, woman.

In 1 Cor. 11:3 God says, "But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." If Christ who is equal with God, is very God himself, is subject to His Father, who are we to object to being subject to the man God has given to be head over us. Position in the chain of authority has nothing to do with the individual's worth to God.

2. Woman's nature requires her obedience. In 1 Tim. 2 we see "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to...usurp authority over the man...And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety." As a consequence of her sin Eve was told, "Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Sometimes we think that women are more spiritually minded than men, etc. but as much as I hate to say it, the opposite is often true. Women are more often led into spiritual error than men. Look at the originators of many of the cults.

The Bible abounds with examples of women who usurped authority over their husbands and caused them no end of trouble. I'll just name a few: Eve, Sarah, Rebekkah, Zipporah, Solomon's wives.

3. A wife's submission pictures the submission of the Church to Christ. The husband-wife relationship pictures the holy, sweet relationship between Christ and His bride as we read in Eph. 5:22-33 I'll not quote the whole passage, but you look it up.

If you are really interested in this subject may I recommend the best book by Elizabeth Rice Handford, Me Obey Him?, published by the Sword of the Lord Publishers, Murphreesboro, Tn. It is a small book, less than 100 pages, but the best, most exhaustive study of this issue I have read anywhere.

Read over this whole passage of Titus 2:3-5 again and see what it is really saying and why. "That the word of God be not blasphemed". There are those who blaspheme the Word of God because of the conduct of Christian women in their homes. Let us be good examples of the believer in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity as Paul says in 1 Tim. 4:12.

In His fellowship, Celeste

Keepers at Home

We are still examining the Titus 2 passage which instructs Christian older women what to teach younger women. Today we come to "keepers at home".

Most women (all probably) are homemakers for at least a major part of their lives, either by choice or necessity, whether married or single. Happy, successful homemaking will depend on the proper attitudes and priorities in your home. What is the object of your housekeeping? I prefer the word homemaking. If we keep in mind that "whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as unto the Lord, not unto men" (Col.3:23), it gives us a whole different approach. We want to maintain a comfortable place of refuge for our families and for our own satisfaction and perhaps to meet the standards of our neighbors and friends.

As Christian women we should be hospitable and willing to share our homes with others. It is certainly easier to do this when things are in order. I am not talking about keeping a house immaculate. No one enjoys living in a museum. But we can surely keep the "public" rooms clean and uncluttered. We want our homes to be comfortable, clean, and inviting. We can give it a quick once over early before we have unexpected callers. It doesn't take long to pick up things and straighten up.

Look at Proverbs 31 and see the qualifications of a really good homemaker. It would be good to commit that passage, Prov. 10-31 to memory and review it often. "And whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might". (Eccl. 9:10).

A calendar is the most important tool of the organized homemaker. It is our household security blanket. We may continue next month with the variety of skills a homemaker needs.

Mary LaGrand Bouma in her book The Creative Homemaker says "Homemaking seen in its broadest sense, and seen from a Biblical perspective, is the most exciting, challenging and fulfilling career a woman can have." Thank God for this privilege he has given to each of us!

In His fellowship, Celeste

Chaste - Titus 2:5

Let's go back to the original verse which tells us what older women are to teach to younger women. Titus 2:3-5

"The aged women likewise that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed".

We have discussed some of these instructions at length but let's continue. "Chaste" - I could not improve on Webster's definitions and comments in the New World Dictionary. He defines the word as "pure, not indulging in unlawful sexual activity, virtuous, decent or modest in nature, behavior, etc. restrained and simple in style, not ornate."

He continues, "chaste and virtuous imply moral excellence manifested by forebearance from acts or thoughts that do not accord with virginity or strict marital fidelity; pure implies chastity through innocence and an absence of seductive influences rather than through self-restraint; modest and decent are both applied to propriety in behavior, dress. bearing or speech as exhibiting morality or purity".

Christian women should be above reproach in all these areas. We should have a good testimony before those who are "without" - the unsaved. We have various scriptures addressed to women which tell us be be dressed in modest apparel. We are to be more concerned about our "interior" decorating than our exterior decorating. See 1 Peter 3:1-5.

We will discuss the matter of being good keepers at home next month. Until then, may the Lord bless each of you and help each of us to be a good example of the believer, in word, conversation (behavior), charity, spirit, faith and purity as we are instructed in 1 Timothy 4:12.

Effective Discipline

Summarizing our last two articles dealing with punishment versus discipline: Effective discipline begins with the parents. Discipline is not punishment, but correction. Every time you threaten without acting, you train your child not to obey. The key to success is seriousness and sincerity, not severity.

Five steps to effective discipline:

1. INSTRUCTION - children need to know what is expected of them. They need to know the scriptural principles that form the basis of your discipline.

2. REINFORCEMENT - remind them of previous instruction and and the penalty of disobedience.

3. CORRECTION - the ultimate goal of discipline - teaches the child he is responsible for wrong action.

4. RESTITUTION - builds attitude of repentance in child. Restitution of wrongs clearing the conscience through seeking forgiveness, returning stolen goods, etc.

5. REASSURANCE - express your love. Assure him you have disciplined him because you care about him and his character development. The key to effective discipline is YOU, not your child!

As I have said before, I am passing on to you some things I have learned through teaching but wish I had known them when my children were small!

Blessings on each of you who read and attempt to discipline your children God's way.


Discipline/Punishment of Children

We have been talking about how Mothers can love their children. If we love our children we will discipline them. I want to include several things regarding discipline and will do it in outline form. They are very self-explanatory.

First of all, discipline should be administered with love, consistency, and self-control. The consistency is the hard part. Since we as mothers are with the children more than the fathers, it is difficult to be consistent. One time we discipline them for a specific behavior and another time we are too tired or just look the other way so we don't have to deal with it. I know this is true because I have done it and so have you!

Effective discipline begins with the parent. Use a neutral object for spanking. The Bible mentions a rod - not a board, but like a switch or paddle, not your hand. Children connect their discipline with the object that administered it.

Discipline is not punishment, it is correction. Every time you threaten without acting, you train your child not to obey. God never punishes us, but He does discipline us. Our punishment, death, was dealt with at the cross. The following chart describes the difference.

  Punishment Discipline
Purpose Inflict penalty, revenge Character reformation, correction, maturity
Focus On past misdeed On future correct deed
Attitude Anger Love
Resulting behavior Rebellion, conformity Growth toward desired behavior
Resulting emotion Breeds fear, resentment, guilt Respect

I have some more information on this subject but will save it for next time so this does not get too length. I wish I had known all these things fifty years ago!

In His fellowship, Celeste

Love Your Children

We have been considering some of the things God tells older women to teach to younger women. We come to another perplexing statement - "to love their children". We think this should come naturally. But evidently what all God includes in loving them is much more than natural affection and care.

Four basic needs of children are:
1. Affection - to love and be loved and feel they belong
2. Acceptance - of themselves, not dependent on good behavior or grades, etc.
3. Attention/admiration
4. Achievement - recognition of ability to perform.

Four Responsibilities of Mothers are:
1. Love our children Titus 2:4-5, Prov. 3:12, 13:24, 29: 15, 17
2. Discipline our children Eph. 6:4 with love, consistency and self-control.
3. Train our children - spiritually Pr. 22:6 to obey, know Lord
4. Teach our children - socially Ezek. 16:44 (by example)

I realize this is very sketchy and just in outline form and in the next issue we will discuss the difference between discipline and punishment. Many parents confuse these two things. We will also discuss the five steps to effective discipline.

We will close this page with three essential elements of the parent-child relationship:
1. Instruction - what you say
2. Influence - what you do
3. Image - what you are.

I wish I had known a lot of these things back fifty years ago when my children were small. I hope they are useful to many of you.

In His fellowship, Celeste


Last month we were talking about loving our husbands by accepting them. We'll continue with the other three things mentioned, admiring him, appreciating him and adapting to him.

My husband often says that men need admiration, women need attention. All this goes back to a previous discussion of the differences between men and women.  The word admiration (or respect, honor) in scripture basically means "to attach high value to another".

Gary Smalley says there are some practical ways a wife can admire her husband:

  1. Look for occasional opportunities to draw attention to his positive qualities, especially when with others.
  2. Seek husband's advice or opinion on decisions.
  3. Try to remember his past requests and desires and fulfill.
  4. Consider what he says without hasty, negative reactions.
  5. Make effort to gain appreciation for his occupation.
  6. Don't let two days pass without expressing appreciation for at least one thing he has done or said.
  7. Demonstrate admiration by expressing it in non-verbal ways.

Remember the very best way you can instill security into the lives of your children is to love their father. Always let him know you are on his side.

Men like compliments just like women do. Look for things to compliment him on. Make it genuine, not just flattery. He can tell the difference.

Maybe it would be good to make a list of all the wonderful things about him that you love and that drew you to him to begin with.

In His fellowship, Celeste

The Seven Pillars of the Wise Woman’s House

Let me first give you some verses to build upon:

Prov. 14:1 "Every wise women buildeth her house but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands."

Prov. 24:3-4 "Through wisdom is an house builded and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches."

Ps. 127:1 "Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it."

1 Cor.3:10-11 " are God’s building. According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise master builder, I have laid the foundation and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed HOW HE BUILDETH there upon. For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ."

Heb. 3:4 "For every house is builded by some man, but he that built all things is God."

Prov. 9:1 "Wisdom hath builded her house, she hath hewn out her SEVEN PILLARS."

Prov. 9:10 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the holy is understanding."

Prov. 31:30 "...a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."

Now back to Prov. 14:1 "EVERY WISE WOMAN (not man) buildeth her house." We usually
think of men as the head of the home, as the builders of the house. But God says the wise woman builds the house.

Pillar 1: Select the right man (if single) or Start with the one you have (if married)

The man must be one you can accept as he is, admire, appreciate and adapt to. It is more important that you respect your husband than that you love him. Check this out in the Bible. God nowhere in the Scripture commands women to love their husbands. Does that mean that we are not to love them? NO, of course not. He even tells the older women to teach the younger women how to love their husbands. All of the instructions to women in regard to their mates is to submit to them, to have reverence for them, to obey them, etc. All of this has to do with respect. He must be accepted as he is and not for what you will make him into. It is not our job to change them. Changes will come but we can never predict whether they will be for good or not.

Now that I’ve stirred up your curiosity I will have to stop for now due to space. We will take up with the second pillar next month which is to STAY WITH HIM.

Pillar 2: Stay With Him

God said in Gen. 2:18 that it is not good that the man should be alone. This applies in more ways than just physical presence. It means mentally and socially. The basic thing in COMMITMENT. That must be a lost ideal today. There are just as many divorces among Christians as among believers. That ought not so to be. When we vow to take a partner until death do us part in the house of God and before witnesses, we should live up to it. Divorce should not be an option. If you know you have to stick it out, you will manage to work through whatever problems may arise. And problems will arise, but the answer is not to get out of the marriage as quickly as possible.

However, this also applies in a very practical way in every day life. Stay with him. He wants your presence in the home even if he is buried in a newspaper, book, TV, or computer. A man does not want to be alone. God made him that way. Now there may be times when he may want to get off to himself for a short time, but we are speaking in generalities. If he is in the yard working, where does he want you to be? Out there with him. If he is mowing, he'd like you to be moving sticks etc. out of the way. If he is planting flowers, he wants you to be assisting in some way. If he is building a shelf in the garage, he wants you handing him the hammer and the nails. If you want him to keep working, stay with him.

He wants your presence, but he doesn't want you doing noisy things like sewing, vacuuming, running dishwasher or washing machine. He may not speak to you all evening but he wants you there. He also doesn't want you spending long times on the phone with friends. Do that when you are alone.

Stay with him mentally. Sometime the wife has to drop out of school to provide support so the husband can stay in school and prepare for a career. She may not ever get to finish. But he goes on up in his profession and he is in another world which she doesn't really understand. Be informed enough about his job and things he is interested in to carry on an intelligent conversation with him. I used to tell my students to READ, AND READ, AND THEN READ SOME MORE. This broadens your outlook. Some wives meet their husbands with all the disasters of the day, washing machine broke down or overflowed, son had a fight at school, etc. Their whole world is their husband, children and home and they don't know much about anything else nor care. When the news comes on, they go to the kitchen. They don't keep up with what is going on in the world.

Keep up with him socially. If the situation develops that we mentioned above, she did not get to finish her education. She has not learned all the etiquette, manners, customs that he is being exposed to daily. She may feel very ill at ease with him at social functions, or entertaining clients, or boss in her home.

In Prov. 9:13, we read, "A foolish woman is clamorous, she is simple and knoweth nothing. However, the wise woman, knowing that it is not good that the man should be alone, will stay with him.

Pillar 3: Study Him

I have discussed on these pages before about the basic differences between men and women. I quoted a paragraph from Gary Smalley that said the same thing I have been teaching for years. He says "Men and women lack understanding about the general differences between men and women. I would venture to say that most marital difficulties center on one fact -- men and women are TOTALLY different. The differences (emotional, mental and physical) are so extreme that without a concentrated effort to understand them, it is nearly impossible to have a happy marriage."

This applies in all areas of life and begins even in infants. There are obviously physical/biological differences, but there are also intuitive differences, mental/emotional, differences, If you are expecting your husband, son, male employer, male employee of any other male in your life to respond to situations in the same way you would, you are destined for disillusionment and disappointment. They are DIFFERENT! If we really come to understand this, it will eliminate a lot of hurt feelings and grief.

There are many good books dealing with this subject. I believe I listed them when I was writing the material up about basic differences. I think you can go into the archives and pull up those messages if you are really interested. It makes an interesting study and once you are aware of it you will see articles about it everywhere - newspaper, magazines, Reader's Digest, etc. besides all the books.

It would be too lengthy to go into much detail about how men and women think differently, react differently, respond differently. They just see things from a different perspective. So study the men in your life, read some of these books and see how relationships improve. Read at least one chapter of Proverbs every day. All of us are in desperate need of wisdom and this is where it is!

Pillar 4: Serve Him

We discussed last month how we need to "Study Him". Now that we've realized how different we are, how different his needs are from ours, the objective is to meet those needs.

One version of Prov. 31:13 about the virtuous woman says it like this: "She will do him good and not evil. She will richly satisfy all his needs." These needs include social, sexual material etc. However there is one need that we cannot meet. Only God himself can meet his spiritual needs. Too many men try to leave the spiritual or religious needs to the wife. It just does not work.

In Willard F. Harley's book His Needs Her Needs, published by Revell, he lists five basic needs for each sex in the order of their importance. I'll repeat them here

His Needs: Sexual fulfillment
Recreational Companionship
Attractive Spouse
Domestic Support

Her Needs: Affection
Honesty and Openness
Financial Support - Security
Family Commitment

As we mentioned last month, men and women are completely different! Women are just put together differently from men. Women do not have the same drive and desires a man has. In a news article from the magazine section of a paper in the "Ask Them Yourself" column appeared this poignant statement from the well-known writer, Taylor Caldwell.

"Recently it was reported that your book, Captains and the Kings, will be seen as a nine-hour TV production. Does this bring you the solid satisfaction that seemed denied you by Hollywood's failure to make films of your books?"

TC - "There is no solid satisfaction in any career for a woman like myself. There is no home, no true freedom, no hope, no joy, no expectation for tomorrow, no contentment. I would rather cook a meal for a man and bring him his slippers and feel myself in the protection of his arms than have all the citations and awards and honors I have received worldwide, including the Ribbon of Legion of Honor and my property and my bank accounts. They mean nothing to me. And I am only one among the missions of sad women like myself."

I think this one of the saddest statements I have heard. To the world she was a very successful person but this is what was in her heart. Since this was written, several of her books have been made into movies and I believe she has passed away.

Until next time, the Lord bless each of you and help you to understand and meet
the needs of your partner.

Pillar 5: Support Him

When we say support him, we don't mean financially or just to help him or protect him, or give him advice, but to accept him as he is and stand behind him. In Prov. 14:1 we read "Every wise woman buildeth her house, but the foolish plucketh it down her hands".

Some of the ways we tear down our own houses are as follows:

  1. Don't try to CHANGE him, but accept him as he is. All of us change over the years, but don't go into a marriage thinking you can change him in some way. He will change, but we never know which way.

  2. Don't try to CORRECT him. You are not his mother nor his teacher. Especially, not before others. If he asks you to help him or correct his grammar that's one thing. But when you continually correct him, this will drive him away. Men can't take this.

  3. Don't try to CONVICT him. You are not the Holy Spirit and that is His job. If he is doing something you know is wrong, you don't have to agree with him and it is okay for him to know you don't agree, You just "tell on him" to the Holy Spirit. If he is a believer he has the same Holy Spirit in him and he will do His work.

  4. Don't CRITICIZE him. Don't cut down, belittle, ridicule publicly even in a joking way. Your job is to build him up not tear him down. If there is something you feel really needs to be said be careful about how you say it (with love) and the timing, and in private.

  5. Don't COMPARE him - to other men, your father, etc. We don't want to be compared to his old girlfriends or have our cooking compared to his mother's. Why don't you keep our yard like our neighbor does? Why don't you make as much as your friend, Joe, does?

  6. Don't try to COMPETE with him. If you are playing a game, it's best to be partners with someone besides your husband. The unpardonable sin if you have done something that causes your side to lose is to say, "It's only a game". There are no games to men, they play for blood.

  7. Don't try to COUNSEL him. You are not his counselor or advisor. If something has gone wrong on the job and we reply "you should have done this" or "I would have done that". They take that as a put down. I'm smarter than you. A good statement from Darien Cooper in You Can Be the Wife of a Happy Husband is "Unasked for advice is really veiled criticism."

  8. Don't try to CONFINE him. Give him the freedom to become the man God wants him to be. Don't hold on too tightly. Grant him a little space.

  9. Don't try to CHASTEN him. You are not his mother. Some wives try to chasten their husbands by withholding sex from them which is sin according to I Cor. 7.

By doing any of these things, we are pulling the bricks out of our own homes. It is so easy to do some of them without even thinking of what we are doing. So be careful. Be a wise woman not a foolish one.

Pillar 6: Submit to his Headship

This brings us to #6 which is to Submit to his headship - leadership. Women are subordinate to men according to God's plan, but are not inferior. Steel is stronger than gold, but not inferior. Some women have a hard time with submission but think about this. Is the Lord Jesus as much God as God the Father? Is the Holy Spirit as much God as either of them. Yes! In 1 Cor. 11:3, we are told this, "But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." If the Lord Jesus has a head over him, why should be complain if God has put a head over us?? I am so thankful that He did.

There is a vast difference between obedience and submission, having the submissive spirit - voluntarily placing yourself under another. I was at a couples retreat one time for one of the Brethren churches whose women sometimes wore the little caps on the back of their heads. I asked some of the ladies about the significance of them and some said they were to show their submission to their husbands. Some only wore them to church or meetings, others all the time. We were with them for a weekend and I found out those little caps didn't mean a thing!!

I know from experience that sometimes I have been obedient to my husband but not with a submissive spirit. There was a woman and her son in church one Sunday and he kept standing up when he should be sitting down. His mother whispered to him to sit down but he refused. She put her hands of his shoulders and pushed him down on the pew and he looked up her scowling and said, "Well, I may be sitting down outside but I'm standing up inside!" Haven't we all been there before? Obedience is not exactly the same as submission.

Please feel free to contact meGod bless each of you who read this and may you be building a strong house for the Lord.

Step #7.  SATISFY him - make him happy

According to 1 Cor. 7:34 ff we are told a wife is to care for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.  This does not mean we are to be worldly, but we should tend to the ordinary affairs of life - take care of the home, cooking, laundry, etc. But not only that - we are to meet his physical needs. We should be attractive, be fun, be feminine, and if necessary be a good actress in the bedroom.

We said earlier, men are aroused by sight, women are aroused by touch. That is why God tells women to be dressed in modest apparel and instructs men that it is good not to touch a woman (before marriage). He knows how we are made since he created us. So let your husband look for his sake and let him touch for your sake.

Let me just give you briefly four principle of Intimacy:

  1. Sex created by God - and is holy and good. Heb,13;4; Gen.1:27-28

  2. Sex is normal and natural and created to be enjoyed by both partners in marriage. Prov. 5:18-19, Song of Sol. 4:10.

  3. Our bodies belong to each other and to deny or defraud one another is sin 1 Cor. 7:4, 5.

  4. Sex is physically beneficial to both - comforting - relieving stress 2 Sam. 12:24

I am just giving you the outline essentially. You fill it out. It would be to long to expound on. Here are some of the causes of
problems in a marriage.

  1. Sex before marriage - with each other or someone else.

  2. A wrong attitude towards sex, especially by the wife. Sex is 75% mental and 25% physical.

  3. Lack of communication

  4. Using sex as a weapon to get her way

Three keys to a successful marriage:

  1. Commitment - till death do us part - today it is sort of a trial period. If it doesn't work out we'll just get a divorce. It's amazing how you can work things out if you have already made up your mind that it is for keeps.

  2. Communication - being able to talk to each other with no inhibitions or fear of saying the wrong thing or being judged by something you might say. A good definition of communication is "expressing yourself in such a way that the other person understands what you are saying and meaning. "There are 6 different meanings that can come through in any conversation. It is too hard to explain this. Maybe we'll do it for our next month's message.

  3. Companionship - togetherness - sharing. If commitment is made and communication is established, there will be companionship. You don't have to do everything together, but need some mutual interests besides the family.

This has been long, but I wanted to complete this message. I hope it is meaningful to some of you. God bless you.


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